Solitude

Yesterday morning, when I left for work, all three of my room mates were sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast. When I got home last night after work, they were all hundreds of kilometers away. As of last night, reading week had begun. Mine began around Wednesday afternoon, but unlike many of my friends and classmates, I will not be going anywhere this week. I work almost every day of the break, and it would not make sense to go home. So, I will stay at school this week.

By staying at school, not only will I be the only one in my house, but the only one of my team mates still around, the only one from any of my classes still around, and likely the only one who will be using the training center. For the first time since training camp at the end of august, I will be completely alone. It will also be the longest stretch of being alone I’ve had so far. During training camp, it was only about 2 days before I saw my team mates, and my house mates moved in a couple of days after that.

This time, it will be a full week. But it’s not going to be a problem. I am definitely someone who can say they have known the joy of solitude. For those that don’t know, the difference between solitude and loneliness is that loneliness is the pain of being alone, while solitude is the joy of being alone. I spend most of my time wishing there was less people anyways. So being alone is not my concern. My concern is that without other people constantly being around, my natural aversion to other people and social interaction is going to come out in full force.

I watched Saving Private Ryan last night, a good movie, one I’ve never seen the end of until last night. But I kept pausing the movie, as cars would stop in front of my house, and the occupants would get out to go to one of my neighbors’ houses or check the mail box. I’ve found that when I’m not expecting people, and then there are people, I become very distrustful. Not quite paranoid, but enough so that someone who doesn’t know what paranoia is might call it that.

That was only after a few hours of my solitude. I wonder how it will be after 10 days of it. Maybe I’ll adjust, maybe I’ll be found digging a fallout shelter in the backyard. Who knows.

-Dee

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